WHY DON’T WE LISTEN BETTER? Petersen, James C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting inrelationships. Portland; Petersen Publications.HEYPetersen (2007) in twenty-five chapters, developed and summarize in details a realisticway on how you can be a “better listener,” and not just a talker. His book guides you to be abetter listener. Petersen’s in his book not only answers the question to what the title says, but hetakes it to a higher quality of life. A good relationship starts with a clear communication ofexceptions, feelings, and desire. He also breaks the book down in five parts to get his pointacross to the readers. The first part is the options in communicating; 2) the talker-listenerprocess, 3) the listening techniques, 4) using the TLC in groups and 5) concluding philosophy.Petersen’s book is a guide to better communication not only answers the title questions, but italso takes the reader and user of his techniques on a journey into a higher quality of life ofcommunicating with others.In the reading, “communication evolves in our brain, heart and stomach.” (2007, p.16) The brain is the thought area for our speech where we formulate and choose the words thatwe will cognate to communicate. The writer says that the stomach is an emotional area. He alsooutlines it as “those inner nudges that let us know when we’re uncomfortable, happy, excited,interested, attracted, irritable, angry, resentful, frustrated, and even curious.” (2007, p11) Feelings are our internal response to the world around us.” (2007 p. 11) It is all put togetherin the heart. A person who is a good communicator will be able to balance these aspects in orderto produce constructive meaningful communication. If so happen it falls out of balance thecommunication process will not productive. An example of this is if the communication is allthought without emotion then the dynamic feeling cannot be conveyed.WHY DON’T WE LISTEN BETTER?Peterson (2007) also defines two levels of communication. Level one is the primaryexchange of information and general discussion. With this, the level of communication lacksdepth and does not fulfill relational its requirements. What is needed is deepercommunication. The next one involves one’s emotion and moves people into intimate deeperrelationships. This level of communication contains emotional attachment and sharedfeelings. In this level of communication information becomes “easier, clearer, and the process amore forgiving one.” (2007, p 19)Petersen (2007) finds that the Flat-Brained syndrome occurs when the emotional“stomach” (2007, p 35) overtakes the logical “brain” during the communication process. Manypeople during times of hurt or frustration has encountered this syndrome. This is wheredecisions are made based on emotion rather than logic. “The relational ability to communicate isquickly lost in this state because our hearts harden, our logic is lost our interaction with the worldis skewed.” (2007, p 25) This syndrome disrupts communication at its basic level. To counterit, a reduction of the emotional disturbance is essential in order to explain the thought process,which increases self-confidences and restores supportive friendships.Petersen talks about how the flat-brained syndrome can be quickly frustrated by the brainin a spiraling pattern where the emotional is fed by the brain and the problem quickly explodesand is intensified within the person’s mind. When this happens, it is then called Flat-BrainTango. Throughout this exchange, Peterson describes a courtroom drama unfolding where“Winning seems to be everything.” (2007, p 213) Those involved turn communication into awin-lose, point-counterpoint game. There are more energy spent attacking and counter-attackingthan in communicating. As we read more into his book, we find that the Double-Reverse-Twistis a change of the communication technique that can be used to stay out of the Flat-Brain TangoWHY DON’T WE LISTEN BETTER?by looking at the emotional and keeping it in check. In the Talker-Listener Process it creates anenvironment which as two people can talk and listen in a healthy, and safe communicationatmosphere. The Talker-Listener Card (TLC) is a tool that can be used to improve the ability tointeract and communicate better.YOUAs I reflect back to 1979, I was afraid to stand up before people and speak, not tomention listening to others. Petersen’s book has given me truth that I need to become that professional counselor by allowing me to understand the important of listening while I am doingprofessional counseling. As I continue to read this book, additional tools was revealed to mesuch as the TLC’s that can help me become a more effective listener by providing visual cues forme to follow during the communication process.In reading this book, there are a number of things I have considered, such as taking thelistener card and placing it on the back of my door so that when people come for counseling itwill prompt me of my role in the counseling process. I still have a ways to go to before I canmaster the effective listener but with books like Petersen’s I have more tools to help me alongthe way in reaching my goal.LOOKFrom Petersen’s book, I have learned the benefit and potential of listening andcommunications. The Flat-Brained syndrome is something I have never heard of and not tomention the tango. This is something I can see them played out in my life. These techniques usecan play well into the Hawkins’ model of counseling because it will provides tools for thecounselor in what is to believe is one of the greater important aspects of counseling,“Listening”. One of my strongest aspects of counseling is listening to people. Petersen’sWHY DON’T WE LISTEN BETTER?techniques has given me be very useful in creating but safe, healing atmospheres where I canlisten more effective to the people I and counseling with as well as my wife.Additional information about the brain, the stomach and heart’s, this is where Petersengives roles in the communication process. It has helped me to fully understand the logic and theemotional aspects of man’s spirit. The information in Petersen’s book has educated me inbecoming a more genuine and better listener. Petersen has provides some the principles that Ican build upon.DOUpon completing the book “why don’t we don’t listen better, I started using the differentprocess of listening developing additional strategies that I can use in my counseling sessions. AsI mention before, the flat brain syndrome as well as the flat brain tango is something that iscompletely new to me. I have learned to apply a great deal of this information to my personallife as well as to my counseling to married couples as well. Also in Petersons book, hementions as well as outlines how a person thinks and reacts through feeling and their emotionswill have a determination on just how their relationship to the world around them. (Petersen2007, p. 34) In the last chapter, Peterson book has encourages me as a counselors to go beyondskills and challenges me to become more of a people person with a great deal of empathy,authenticity and warm-heartedness. Petersen says, “His hope and mine is to become the kind ofperson in whose presence good things happen.” (2007, p.213)WHY DON’T WE LISTEN BETTER?ReferenceJames C. Petersen, 2007, why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting inrelationships, (Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications)